Barstool Thoughts
by lil-hermione-at-heart
Summary: Listen to Gone Like That by Josh Kelley In your usual heartbreak story, it's always the girl that ends up hurt and heartbroken, wishing that things could just go back to the way they were. But sometimes, the boy is the one left with the broken heart.


**Chapter One**

It was another Friday night at the Leaky Cauldron. Harry Potter sat at the bar with only his bottle of firewhiskey for a companion. Every night that he could, which was most nights, Harry found himself at this bar and Tom always had his glass and bottle ready for him when he walked in.

Ever since she had broken up with his because he worked too much, wasn't home enough, couldn't let go of the past, or whatever other excuse she had mustered up, Harry couldn't seem to get through a single day without downing some form of alcohol to wash it all away. But he was getting better. At least, that's what he told himself. Sometimes though, the heartache just seemed like too much to live with.

He heard the chiming of the bell above the door alert Tom to another customer, followed by his somewhat chirpy voice call out, "What'll it be, Miss Granger?"

Harry's head snapped around towards the door to see her, the one person he didn't want to see, walk in.

He bowed his head low enough to set on the counter, hoping the shagginess of his hair would be enough to make him unrecognizable to her; but he doubted it. He'd never been able to hide from her because she knew him too well. That had been one of the reasons he had loved her so much. After the war, there wasn't a place he could go in the entire world to hide that she wouldn't eventually find him; and he never really minded.

But now was definitely a time where he didn't want her to find him. He didn't want her to see him then come walking over here swaying her hips, making him want her back even more than he would willing admit to himself; mainly because he knew that was what she wanted, that was her plan. She'd sent him letters, explaining how wrong she was and how much she wanted him back, but up til now, they hadn't seen each other face to face since the night she left without saying a word.

Harry let out a frustrated grunt as he lifted his head enough to chug down another painful gulp of firewhiskey. He wouldn't let her do that to him again. It had hurt way too much. He was finally getting to the point where he could get up and go to work without wishing he was dead. But that doesn't mean he couldn't go right back to it if she pushed the wrong buttons.

But no matter how much he denied it or forced himself not to think about it, Hermione had been his life-preserver in the hurricane that had become his life in the aftermath of the war. Between people wanting his autograph and remaining Death Eaters that wanted him dead, Harry didn't know what to do anymore. He travelled from place to place, trying to find somewhere that he could just take it all in and not be swarmed by his adoptive family.

But Hermione was always there by his side, and even though he wanted to sort things out on his own, he didn't mind her presence. She didn't pry him for his thoughts or try to make him talk, she just stayed with him. She cooked for him, was his crying shoulder, his sounding board, and his comfort. He guesses that's what made him decide to confess his feelings for her.

But eventually, after he'd decided to return home and that they should start their lives together, she did confront him. She told him that he had to move on with his life and let go of the past and the war; if he didn't do that, he'd never truly be happy. And she was right.

It didn't matter though. That was all done and gone. She'd made sure of that. After she'd helped him dig out of his hole, she'd pushed him right back in. So now he was just back where he'd started, only it was a different subject of his depression. Now it was her, and only her.

All his thoughts had raced through his head so fast, despite his slightly intoxicated state, that the next time he managed to pick up his head he saw something that was what he was avoiding most.

She had seen him…and was walking straight toward him.

For a split second, his hopes soared to the heights of eagles and his heart was racing at the same pace it always used to when she was walking towards him, eyes locked with him, looking just as beautiful as she always did.

Then his mind returned to reality; and his heart hit the ground so fast and hard that he actually put his hand on his chest massaging it as if it physically hurt. He forced himself to turn away from her as he flagged down Tom, pointing to his bottle when he finally got his attention

"Still drowning ourselves in flames are we?" her smooth voice whispered to him as she sat in the empty barstool next to him.

"What does it matter to you?" he spit out with as much venom as her could manage, meaning every bit of it. Later he would feel awful about taking the smallest amount of pride in the hurt that flashed in her eyes.

But Hermione quickly recovered. "You know that it will always matter to me. Your pain will always matter to me."

"Didn't seem to matter to you when you were the one causing it." It took all his willpower to not turn to her and let himself get lost in those chocolate orbs. But that didn't mean he didn't notice her body convulse as his words hit her like a physical blow.

"You got my letters, and I know you read them. You forget that I know you better than anyone else on this bloody planet. You know how many times I've apologized. Hell, I bet you even know the exact number. You also know how many times I've told you that I regret leaving, that it was a moment of weakness that I wish I could take back. I do wish I could take it back, Harry. I've begged you to give me another chance. I still love you, Harry."

He heard desperation in her voice, felt her hands grasp his arm, even saw the tears that formed in her eyes and fell down her pale cheeks. She almost looked ill up close.

But he also felt the knife in his gut, the pounding in his heart, his own tears forming in his eyes, and, most importantly, the break in his heart. He gently pulled her hands from his arm with his other hand then stood and took few steps back.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. But I can't take another gone like that."


End file.
